It was a cold and chilly Saturday morning, and I was feeling down over some troubles I had with one of my best friends. We have been fighting since quite a long time over really stupid things. My friend who was always there for me, who always supported me, and whom I could always rely on, was no longer acting like that. We have been friends since kindergarten, and we had an amazing and extraordinary friendship. We were always hanging out together, joking together, getting in trouble together, and to make it short we always stick together with one another. We were and still are really close; I can almost assure that there is nothing that she does not know about me, and vice versa.
“It is your entire fault you know” she used to say whenever we spoke about our issue. May be it was true, it was really all my fault, but at the begging I was too proud to be able to admitted. I was really selfish and over conscious about myself, I only thought about me. I didn’t want to accept that I have made such a huge mistake, I rather put the blame into the person who was with me, as I mentioned before we were literary always together, when it occurred. She was only present when I committed the biggest mistake of my life; she had not done anything wrong, even more she tried to stop me.
It is pretty normal for me to get very angry about making mistakes, and at that time she was the only one I could put on all my angriness and sadness. She had to bear it all, actually only the worst part: having to deal with me after I have made such a big mistake. She tried to help me, to make me feel better, and she was always trying to cheer me up. But I was too selfish to appreciate all that she had done to me, and instead of thanking her I ended up fighting with her. I insulted her, not consciously, but I did, and she got really offended. She is the kind of person who has a limit of how much can they can take, and I had already passed her limit. So she got mad, she yelled at me, she told me really nasty things (which even though I do not want to admit, were true), and she insulted me in every way possible. I did pretty much the same thing, except that I also blamed her to be the cause of all my problems.
After that it passed a very long time until we saw and talked each other again. At first, I thought she was the one who was wrong and that someday she would call me to say how sorry she was, but that day never came. I did not want to take the blame of my own problems; I did not want to accept the consequences of what I had done. I was way too proud and also stubborn so it was really difficult for me to assimilate that I was the guilty one.
So when I finally accepted that I was the one at fault I thought that everything would be solved between her and me. But I did not know how to say her that I had realized that I was the one who had the fault. It is hard to admit you have done something wrong, especially when you have said exactly the contrary. I did not want to show her my weak side, not to her not to anyone. So it really took me a while to plan and to figure out how I was going to ask her to forgive me.
At the end I decided to ask her to forgive me. This took a lot of courage from me to say it, it was hard and I felt defeated. To accept being defeated is really something difficult because you show the others that you have weaknesses and imperfections. My friend was stubborn at first; she was not willing to listen to what I had to say. I managed to convince her to listen to me and so she did. I bet that she would have not forgiven me if I had not shown her that weak and defenseless side of mine.
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